Schadenfreude

A way to be honest with yourself

Recently I've been thinking a lot about self-regulation. In the book Prometheus Rising, the author says that our brains can generally be explained as having two operating modes: The Thinker and The Feeler.

The central idea is that The Feeler acts based on emotion and instinct - fully believing whatever it feels to be true - while The Thinker justifies based on logic and deduction.

The Feeler came first and is more primitive, while The Thinker separates us from most other primates. We spend time in both states; the ratio differs between people.

That's not really a groundbreaking idea, but we need to remember that The Feeler is the baseline and, as such, is stronger. This is important when cognitive dissonance comes into play.

The brain really does not like it when beliefs and actions oppose each other, and will cause us to misremember the past or distort the weight given to evidence - anything to avoid feeling like we do something opposing our beliefs.

So one of the repeated mantras throughout the book is:

What The Feeler feels, the Thinker thinks

We want to believe that we determine our opinions based on logic, but in reality, we use logic to justify whatever it is that we already felt. The Thinker just does what it is told.

So when it comes to our actions, it's difficult for us to truly judge how acceptable they are. Somehow our situation is always different and more nuanced, and what we do isn't how it might look at first glance.

This is what I've been pondering - how do we break this bias and judge our actions more neutrally?

Asking other people for their opinion is one option, but I'd argue that it doesn't really help because they don't have the full context and don't fully understand our motivations. Plus, when someone gives advice it may well be rational - "textbook advice" coming from The Thinker, and when we hear it we will filter it through The Feeler first.

I do think the opinion of our peers can be really helpful though - just in reverse. Think of someone else that you know in a similar position to you. Someone the same gender, the same age, similar family status, similar job.

Now think of something you do that maybe you shouldn't. Imagine that person doing the same thing for exactly the same reason, and ask yourself if you would consider it acceptable. You should judge your own behaviour the same way you would judge theirs.

This is true for really socially unacceptable actions, for example:

But it's just as true for smaller behavioural flaws:

If you would judge the same behaviour for the same reasons negatively in someone else, why are you making excuses for yourself?

I'm not telling you what should or should not be okay according to your moral code. That's something you decide. I'm just asking whether you're being consistent and honest with yourself.